I stress... but nobody would even know it...

I guess I can understand why... I'm a homemaker and soon-to-be housewife and stay at home mum.... I do nothing all day except for doing my best to get out of bed, eat, and clean. ... the challenges I face seem so minute,  which I wish they were. I wish people wouldn't make pregnancy seem like such a fantastic thing; I mean you throw in insomnia, anemia, exhaustion, starving, weak, and being babied all the time on top of everything else going on and you pretty much cunoozled your way into a nine month stay in hell. Don't get me wrong, the kicking is cute and wonderful,  hearing the heartbeat is immaculate, and seeing/feeling our beautiful daughter grow inside me is so indiscribable. It's always nice to think that in a few months I'll be holding a little mini me, who will need me and appreciate my everything.
    It's difficult going about my day feeling unappreciated and also maybe a little unloved as well.. Brys hung up on me today and not because we were arguing, but because I was talking.... it really hurts that he did it, even more so that he admitted that it was because I was "talking too much" I only talked about the plant and was done. .. I just don't understand how people can do that to others, especially loved ones.... it honestly makes me feel even more alone knowing he doesn't even want to hear me ramble on about stupid things.... I've got no one else to really talk to.... and I feel like I'm just falling down a very deep man hole meant specifically for me to keep everyone away....
Whenever brys gets home I get really excited, maybe we can actually do something. .. together. But then he puts me in my place and I go back to laying in bed, stuck looking through the Internet for hours on end... I should be use to this, even more because it's just like Otosan (my dad), his work comes first,  he comes second, his tomatoes third, hobbies forth, everything else whenever he has the chance.... Brys is like that, but it's himself,  his shed, his bio family,  his smokes, his life, then whatever else he has time for.  We've only made love 3 times this month. .. I'm surprised I even got that.... I guess I've just totally lost my luster.... just not appealing to him anymore... I can understand why.... I'm fat, ugly, and pregnant... what's worse than that? Oh I know,  having to see it every day.... :(
  I really do feel trapped and alone sometimes.... it's like I'm being punished for something I'm in zero control over.... I feel so lost and confused. ... I do so much for him and all I get in return is.... nothing really... I'm depressed,  and it's not because of hormones,  but because I've pretty much been left to fend for myself. .. when I can't even do that. ... I just want to cry all the time.... I just... idk.... I'm breaking down so slowly. ... I could handle my friends up and leaving, but him leaving emotionally is disastrous. .... it's like he doesn't look at me the same, I don't get touched the same as I use to.... talking, only about important subject like money... I feel like I'm just a thing taking up his space in this world. .... who really know if it's true or just something I'm imagining.... I hope I'm wrong...... if I didn't have a child growing inside me.... I'd off myself so quickly,  take the pain away, take his frustrations out, be free of me forever and always. ... least then he could find someone who will always have his heart locked on her.... I don't feel loved anymore..... I feel broken and lonely...... worst of all.... every night for the past few weeks, I lie next to him praying something will change and then cry myself to sleep. ... idk what I think anymore. ... I want real us time... not him and his shed while I hide in the room time.... is there something wrong with me..? I just... I don't understand anymore... I feel like the only one who likes being around me anymore is the cat. ... who knows... I'm gunna go.... probably tell brys a little about what's going on tomorrow when he's awake... maybe it'll change something. ...